Where couples come together each brings their own ‘Internal Working Model’ to the relationship. These might be quite different or very similar, and will certainly determine the couple’s relationship, for better or worse. While on the surface individuals may share many similarities they may have very different ways of seeing and doing things. Partners may bring different ways of dealing with feelings, manage differences of opinion, dealing with conflicts, or sharing thoughts. This can have a profound impact on the other person who may not understand their reaction, or may in turn find it difficult to manage the feelings their partners response evoke in them. For example some people withdraw from contact with people when they’re upset, and this may make their partner feel anxious or rejected.
Often difficulties only emerge over time or as couples negotiate the obstacles and changes that life throws at them. It may be at these times that they seek help. Couples therapy can be very helpful. In these sessions we explore together how each partner’s internal working model works and how these impact on the other. This sense of curiosity and interest in the other person and the relationship can allow couples to find a mutual understanding and empathy for each other. This can enable them to move forward together and find new ways to negotiate their life together/
Whilst couples counselling can help a relationship, it is also often a powerful and direct path to increased self-understanding.